Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Lottery and Porn

So the Mega Millions Lottery is up to $262,000,000. That's a crap load of dough. On my way to work this morning I picked up a single ticket for tonight's drawing. At first I thought "there's no way I could ever spend that kind of cash". So I decided to make a detailed agenda of where the money would go.
First off - let's assume I take the 'lump sum' option (mega penalty's and tax) and receive $130,000,000.
New House on the water somewhere, boat, college funds for all kids in my extended family, $1,000,000 for each of my siblings and father, $20,000,000 in the bank, $20,000,000 invested, $20,000,000 to charities - still leaves me with roughly $50,000,000 to pursue my lifelong dream of 3-dimensional Pornography.
And I'm not talking about "almost 3-D" like you see on those plasma TV descriptions. I don't want just crisp and clear - we're talking actual 3-D. Maybe Hologram would be a better word here. I blame George Lucas for my obsession with 3-D Porn. Whenever R2D2 would shoot out that hologram shot of Carrie Fisher I would think "wouldn't it be great if she were naked!". That's what we need - Projected holograms of pornography. You can project it anywhere, just like R2. Puts you right in the middle of the action, up close and personal. Show me 2 women getting it on right in the middle of my living room floor. Let's see some skank taking long pole bent over my sofa. I want an image so real that I can almost smell it. Speaking of smelling it, if we could integrate our holographic porn with the "smellevision" of the 70's we'd be in like Flynn. Who the Hell is Flynn anyway? And who let him in?
There are some Japanese researchers toying with holograms who'd I'd have to hire. Their problem is computer speed. It seems that an Led can generate a single point of a hologram. With each pixel (or, point of light) added to a picture you need faster computer speed to process the data in real time. With a hologram or 3-D image you have 3 times the pixels to process. Apparently they can't quite keep up yet. But with my $50,000,000 we can figure it out.
There's a lot of advancement happening in the 'old' 3-D school too. Using those goofy bi colored glasses and watching an image that, if you looked at it without the glasses, makes you feel hungover. But really, who wants to watch porn while wearing some ridiculous glasses.

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