Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Exorbitant Nudity

This has been a joy of mine for quite some time. There's nothing that brings a smile to my face like nudity without cause, reason, or relevance. Especially in movies. Nudity during a sex or sexual scene is always welcome but when it's unwarranted it's even better.
Case in point: My wife and I went to see the movie A History of Violence a while back. It's the kind of movie I like- well acted, brutally violent, and with plenty dirty sex. But there was one scene in particular which holds in my memory. During a conversation which takes place in the master bedroom the wife enters from the bathroom. She's wearing an open robe with her funbags presented in full view. Through her scantly laced panties you can see a good bit of muff and a little bit of camel toe (if you look hard enough - as I did). She spouts out a few lines of the script and exits to the next room. It was fantastic! My wife leans over and says "awww come on. There was no reason for her to be showing her stuff in that scene." EXACTLY!!! Her tits and muff had NO part in the scene. It wasn't sexual and certainly didn't contribute to the dialogue or plot. It was beautiful. Nudity for the sake of nudity.
Since it had/has such a profound effect on me I thought of a few other situations were a little exorbitant female nudity would brighten my day - female only, mind you:

* commentators on the sidelines of football games
* bank tellers
* politicians delivering news conferences - except Hillary, who I believe actually has a swinging tool.
* women athletes- bouncy bouncy
* beauty salon stylist - would make the whole shampooing part much more interesting
* Starbucks coffee winches
* all waitresses, bartenders, and hostesses
* cops - "get on the ground?.. Yes mam"
* teachers - Van Halen's Hot for Teacher is responsible for this one

The ordeal last year with Janet Jackson showing a tit was suspicious from the get-go. At first I thought 'wow a surprise boob appearance - nice'. But after rewinding it several times on the Tivo I saw what appeared to be a planned event. That dude intentionally ripped the piece of her shirt. It was all part of the 'shock' value of today's music culture. It was not spontaneous and was an integral piece of the atmosphere they were trying to create with that particular song. A nice tit shot - yes - but too relevant to the act. Doesn't make my list.

Men - look around tomorrow and imagine the females you encounter showing tit for no reason what-so-ever.
Women - walk around tomorrow showing tit for no reason what-so-ever.

I'm just trying to make the world a better place.


Blogger Dr. Metal said...

I feel cheated. The movie bit has been my bit for years. You, my friend and fellow village idiot, are a comic thief. It's always been a relevant factor of mine when judging movies. Can't be a 10 our of 10 without it, I always say. My favorite: Scorpio. Great movie made greater by gratuitous nudity. Even better, the nude person doesn't even have a "perfect" body. Perfect.

As for places that need nudity to spice things up, see how this one grabs you. I watch quite a bit of the Food Network. I think nude cooking shows would be a runaway hit. Combine the sensuality of delicious food with the delicacy of a gratuitously naked body and you've got a match made in heaven.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Buckminster Skeeter said...

Use it or lose it, my friend!

3:40 PM  
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