Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Taunted by the Weatherman

There I was sitting quietly in my oversized leather chair enjoying a weekly crime drama. At the cut to commercial I am assaulted by the weatherman. He stands there clad in his fancy suit, smiling his white Crest NightStrip smile, poised at the 'weather desk' as if he's about to divulge the secrets of life. He stares directly at me and says "pleasant temperatures today, but will they stick around? Watch News at 11 to find out!"
Why does he tempt me so? Why must he give me the hope of a forecast, the dream of atmospheric intelligence, only to have me wait... To wait.... To wait. I was going to delve into a good book or spend extra time with my family - but how can I? If I don't tune it at the prescribed time I will miss this genius' prognostications.

at least this is how he wants me to feel.

I know better. I know he's an overpaid technician who's reasonably good looking enough to be put on the screen. He's no Einstein of meteorology. I can hop on the computer, go to www.weather.com, and instantly have an adequate 10 day forecast for my neighborhood. I don't need this schmuck at all. Yet, there he is.... Standing tall before the camera.. Our beloved 'local' weather expert. Balderdash. And why the fancy suit? When a US Army General stands for a press conference at the Pentagon he's wearing Camo or a uniform. This 'weatherman' should be dressed the part - wear some yellow rain gear or a heavy duty snow suit.
And stop that standing in front of the blue screen stuff. It was impressive back in the 80's but he's just standing right over the spot I'm trying to see. Wow... He sure can pronounce all those town names around the country. He must be well traveled.
Talk about baiting us on. He says tune it at 11 for this weeks forecast. You ever try that? You tune in at 11 and you gotta sit through 22 minutes of 'news' before you get to the weather. But every 5 minutes or so he'll pop back up to say "your forecast... Coming right up".... Bullshit.
Then when he finally gets down to business he draws it out like it's some kind of battle plan.
Try this at home: say "today's high was 65, the low was 45. Tomorrow's about the same. It will get a little colder in a couple of days and might rain some Thursday." That's all you need. It takes, what, 15-20 seconds to give me a forecast. Maybe a minute if you get into more detail. What is so inherently difficult about conveying the weather that it takes so long and so much technology? Why can't he do that during the commercials. I would hate him a little less if he did.
Bob Dylan once wrote "you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."

Damn straight Bob. Fire those hackjobs!


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