Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

To Be A Scourge, Part II

So I have picked my target. I believe his name is Bill. Maybe Bill Jenkins. I'm not sure. He works two stories below me for some computer simulating company. I usually see him about once per day as he gets on the elevators to go smoke in the courtyard downstairs. He has been chosen - He is my mark. Why? Well for starters I don't know him at all. I've never said more than "hello" in passing. He doesn't know me, my name, or what I do or who I work for. He's clue-less - like a good mark should be. I don't like this guy Bill and here's why: He always jingles change in his pocket on the elevator, he drives a Mustang convertible which he always parks in the best parking spot in the lot and upon entering the car he immediately puts the top down no matter the temperature, he wears a lot of gold jewelry and makes sure you can see it even if it means wearing it on the outside of a sweater, he has a tiny goat tee about 1/8 inch wide, and he smokes menthol cigarettes.

So... To be a scourge...

1) Scourge without underlying ambition or goal - I have nothing to gain by being Bill's scourge. Therefore it passes my requirement of 'purity'.
2) Constant Run-Ins- This is easily achieved as we work in proximity throughout the year.
3) Level of scourge - hmmm. I'll start with what I call Seed Scourge. This is where you plant the seeds to see if it will take root. What if my attacks do not effect the mark - then the mark can be abandoned before too much effort is put into it.

So here's the result of the first week attempting scourge.
A little graffiti: With a fine pointed Sharpie I wrote "Jingle the change in your pocket if you want to SUCK A DICK" on the wall of the elevator. Not too conspicuous but right at the corner where he likes to stand. I haven't been in the elevator with him since, but now when I see him exiting he never has his hands in his pockets anymore. I can only dream of the embarrassment it may have caused him one day, getting into the elevator with his work buddies. I get a kick out of enforcing my will upon someone in such a stealth fashion.
I also found a dead squirrel in the side parking lot of the building. I placed him gently next to the ashtray in the courtyard with a Salem menthol butt in his mouth. I just checked, he's still there. I know he's seen it. How do you like that Billy boy? Seed Scourge is sprouting....

Next week I plan on parking my old Volvo in his choice parking spot (I'll get a ride home and drive the 4Runner the rest of the week). I'll leave it there all week, maybe longer. I can never beat him to the spot because he comes in earlier than I do every day. So taking up his space all week should get under his skin. If only I could figure out a way to fling some bird poop from the roof onto him when he puts that top down... hmmm. I think it can be done.


Blogger Dr. Metal said...

I need an update. . . or was this just another of your fictional fantasies?

3:22 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home