Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Todays issues.

Monday: This should be the accepted first day of the week. Why isn't it? The vast majority of work weeks start Monday. God supposedly 'rested' on the 7th day, Sabbath or Sunday. Who decided to make the Judeo-Christian 7th day the 1st day? Why should we have one day off at the beginning of the week and one day of at the end. I say this is hogwash - the week starts monday and there are two days off at the end. Please inform everyone you know that we will no longer be following the Westernized weekly calendar.

Pet Peeves: How come nobody ever just has peeves. They certainly never declare something a peeve, do they? "Look he's picking his nose at the dinner table". "aw, that's one of my peeves. I wish he'd stop that." Most people claim to have a Pet Peeve. Next time ask them for a detailed list of their peeves and a dissertation on how one such peeve rose above all others to become their Pet Peeve. When they think about it they'll realize there are many more things in life which would be more peevish than that.

TV Commercials for televisions: Am I the only one who takes offense at someone telling me how good the picture looks on the TV they're playing a commercial for when I am viewing it on my TV? Do they think I'm stupid? Well, actually, yes they do. Marketers use the 'lowest common denominator' approach to targeting their advertising. It works like this- 1/2 the people in this country (like most others) are below average in intelligence. So they make commercials targeting the 50% benchmark. Well it's not working on me. I know damn well that the LCD High Definition screen you're showing me in your commercial looks just as good as my TV when I watch it on my TV, so back off.

Fries: At what point did french fries become the main side dish for everything at a restaurant? Last night, at a reasonably fancy restaurant, I ordered a nice broiled Tuna with lemon butter sauce topped with lump crab meat and lobster. You guessed it - a whopping side of fries came with it. FRIES. I order a well prepared, gourmet seafood dish and there beside it lay 35 cents worth of sliced potato. Look at every menu you see. Fries are the main side dish. Can't say I blame the restaurants. Fries are cheap and universally liked. But I, for one, am sick to death of them. I will not eat another fry this season - you will no longer dictate my side dishes. And while I'm at it - were do these restaurants get off charging $5.99 for a grilled cheese sandwich?

Fat guy with a hot wife: There are reasons I don't watch a lot of prime-time sit coms. Mostly because I find their middle-class, semi-safe humor to be repetitive. But lately I've noticed a pattern. Almost all of them are centered around a husband-wife duo. Raymond, King of Queens, Yes Dear, Belushi's show, Grounded for life, George lopez, Bernie Mac, etc... Look closely and tell me what you see. They all have a fat and/or unattractive guy married to a reasonably hot, thin woman. ALL of them. Fat guys. Is there a weight minimum for Hollywood nowadays? Sure fat guys are inherently funny but.. come on. You don't often see fat guys with hot wives in reality. You never see a 135 pound dude with a 200 pound wife in a sit com- except for the Jeffersons- but I'm talking about current shows.

Personal tragedies on national news: This one has been buggin me for about a year now. The runaway bride, that chick in Aruba that disappeared, the brain dead woman. How is this national news? People get killed, go missing, and have other such tragedies every freakin day in almost every city. How are they hand picking who is national news worthy and who isn't? I don't give a rats ass. Girl missing... Sad... Next. Brain dead girl getting her plugs pulled....... Sad...Next. How about making a national news story out of a 3 year old that gets shot during a drive by. That happens all the time. Seems much more tragic to me than some psycho bitch running off before her wedding - which, by the way, happens more often than you think.

Sneeze Guards at the buffet: The fact that they exist troubles me. At some point in history the restaurant industry must have been alerted to a problem with people blowing mucus all over the buffet food. When was this? I ate at one the other day with no sneeze guard. While dipping into the food vat I started thinking about sneeze guards. Almost lost my appetite. I don't think the sneeze guards are enough. Most people duck under them anyway. Watch at the buffet as people cough and sneeze into their hands and proceed to grab the serving utensils. Your hand is next, my friend.

1 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Metal said...

Brilliant! I dare say I feel comically inadequate at this moment. Brilliant! And why worry about the sneeze guards? The people who prepare the food are putting their disgusting hands all over my french fries. . . which I adore, by the way. I prefer fries with everything. What really irks me are the fries with no potatoe in them. You ever get those . . those little stringy things that maybe, just maybe, contains a single slice of an 1/8 of a smallish potatoe in the whole lot? I send 'em back and ask for the cold slaw.

7:14 PM  

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