Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Dog War of 2005-2006

We have 4 cats (was 5, one had to get whacked) and decided to get a dog. I like dogs. My wife likes dogs. So we start by saying 'What kind of dog do we want?'. I like big dogs: Mastiffs, Hounds, and Shepherds - but only if I get them very young. I have a slight fear of large dogs for some reason. Maybe it's because it could kill me if it really wanted to. I can hold my own in a bar fight, consider myself reasonably 'tough' but a 100 pound animal with teeth could probably rip my throat out - or worse. Maybe I was attacked as a child - I don't think so. I had a large boxer as a child - loved him, rolled all over him, he was great. We had to neutralize him because he bit a couple of passers by in our neighborhood.

My wife does not want a large dog. She has extensive veterinary experience and informs me daily that large dogs have large problems. Expensive stuff at the vet - arthritis, hip surgeries, predisposition to many diseases, and lots and lots of dog food. So I see her point. But I'd love to have a 150 mastiff follow me around like I'm the chief of the local tribe.

We almost settled on a Bassett hound. I like hounds - they got character, just look in that face. It's a hound and yet it's small. But somehow that idea fell by the wayside.
So we start negotiating again. She wanted a medium sized dog. Not a yappy lap dog. Something that can be energetic at times - no balls-out hyper dog. I agreed.

So we start looking at several dog pounds. In every one I see 10 dogs that would suffice. She doesn't like them for various reasons. We go to the pet store. Neither of us like pet stores. They get the majority of their puppies from puppy mills which are basically assembly lines of caged dogs being overbred and mistreated.But above that they ask far too much for an animal. Australian Shepherd puppy - $2,700. That's right - two thousand seven hundred American dollars. Insanity. I'd buy a used car, motorcycle, boat, flat screen TV, kayak, 2 guitars, ski trip, Vegas trip, or a lot of Jell-o for $2,700 before I leave the mall with a puppy. Even from the local "breeders" I could get a nice one for about $500-$800. But I won't.

My wife is found of 'rescues'. There is a rescue association for just about every pure breed out there. These people find pure bred dogs in shelters, pounds, or many times someone will contact them and give them their dog directly. To me it seams a little unfair to the muts left at the pound. Do they have any less right to life or need of acceptance than the pure breeds? Apparently so. So she (note: 'she') decided the best family pet would be an English Setter. They are nice sized, extremely intelligent, and very family friendly. I concede. My ideas of Coon Hound, Irish Wolfhound, Scottish Deerhound, Portuguese Water Dog, English Mastiff, Bloodhound, and Great Dane were all dismissed. But that's ok. Since I work all day and travel occasionally she will spend 10 times more time with it than me. It should be her dog in a sense.

So we contact the English Setter Rescue people. We fill out an application. They tell us someone will contact us for a home inspection. Weeks go by. We call again - their local 'inspector' is missing. Ok. They send another one. She shows up with her English Setter, which was a fantastic dog, and inspects our home. Fenced yard, plenty of running room, pool to jump in, etc... I told me wife I was going to get some mounted hides of some sort to hang all over our shed just to screw with the lady - this idea was also dismissed. Sometimes she doesn't appreciate good humor. We pass the inspection and get a few more emails. We pick out a dog and contact the foster parent - these dogs are placed all over the country with short term homes, like foster kids. She talk to my wife and we agree on a time to make the pick up. The total cost should be a few hundred bucks at most.

So by next weekend we should have a new addition to the household. His name is currently Levi. I plan on changing this as I will not have a Jew in my house. Just kidding, of course. I love Jews and their rye bread.


Blogger mugwump said...

I probably would have gone with the bassett hound.

You may be wondering why I deleted some of my comments, but it's more likely that you haven't noticed. Anyway, I don't feel the need to explain; you already know what a nutjob I am. I keep thinking I should take the advice of my seventh grade teacher after she retrieved a note I had written to my friend Jake Halliday explicitly describing what I was going to do to him that day when we both skipped 5th period and met up in the boys bathroom for a little bit of fun. Why did no one else think of that? We were always alone until the teacher got ahold of that letter. Then we just skipped lunch and got into the janitor's closet.

See? I can take something as innocent as a family's choosing a new pet and turn it into thoughts of horny 7th graders. Twisted. I am a hopeless case.

4:58 AM  
Blogger Buckminster Skeeter said...

Please stop deleting comments - it is very annoying and I don't want to have to block your posts. And comments should generally be directed towards the post subject. I'd love to hear more about the janitors closet - but start your own blog and fill me in.

7:46 AM  
Blogger mugwump said...

I see the fresh air didn't make you any less of an asshole. Nice to know some things never change. Why should you care if I delete my comments? Only 2 people read them and it's not like someone is going to stumble across your blog one day and say "If only that one person hadn't deleted their comments, this blog would be up for a pulitzer prize". Screw you. I like Dr. Metal better, anyway. He is much nicer. Okay, I'm long winded, I get the point. I'll tone down my material and try to get to the point. That is, if I respond to you anymore at all - butthole surfer.

8:01 AM  
Blogger Buckminster Skeeter said...

O....K..... crazy person. I used the word "please" which I do not use often. It's very simple - when you post a comment and someone responds to it it creates a 'thread' - a string of comments answering and responding to others. When you go back and delete a comment it throws off the whole thread - Suddenly none of the others make sense - doesn't matter if 3 people or 300 read this post - it is annoying. by your own admittance you read these everyday (multiple times I imagine). Whereas some do not. I know people who read this regularly but have no desire to post comments. Deleted comments kill the flow. Either think through what you have to say and say it, or don't. No one dissects these things like you do, so stop being overprotective of whatever it is you are overprotecting. It's just a blog, no one gives a shit.

And yes, the fresh air did me wonders. And it is ok to like Dr. Metal better - he is much more like-able than myself.

8:51 AM  
Blogger mugwump said...

I'm the first to admit that I am a crazy person, so be it. No pill is gonna change that. I also admit freely to being a total loser and becoming addicted to checking these blogs frequently. It's entertaining. On one hand, I am too serious and truthful, and that's depressing, who wants to read that, right? So I take a chance and write something fictional to get a laugh (albeit a futile attempt) and you blast me for that too. I bet Dr. Metal laughed about the horny 7th graders. It's Monday. Come on. I'm not a comedian in your's and Dr. Metal's league, but I tried, give me a break. And you know you are quite likeable.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Dr. Metal said...

No one ever wrote me notes in 7th grade. And you think you're the loser. I'm a virtuoso.

p.s. I like me better too. I'm not as good looking but I am
--wittier AND
--more easily aroused by pedestrian foolishness

5:54 PM  
Blogger Buckminster Skeeter said...

I take offense to at least one of those things you claim to be more of than myself.

6:01 PM  
Blogger mugwump said...

Dr. Metal, did you notice how your pal emphasized his having used the word please, like I should have been honored or something? His arrogance knows no bounds. And you actually lived with this guy? How did you not kill him? I imagine I would have butted heads with him on a daily basis.

You can add more polite to your list as well.

8:29 AM  

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