Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Position of the Federation Address

I spent a couple of hours watching the speech the other night. I enjoy stuff like that - great rhetoric, empty promises, and grand posturing. Don't get me wrong, I call myself a Republican. But I'm bright enough to know they're all full of excrement regardless of party. But nevertheless I do love some politics. Here's some stuff I just love about the SOTU address.

* Seeing the parties sit in their assigned location. Republicans on the Left, Democrats on the Right - Such great irony. They must have little cheat-sheets that tell them when their side is supposed to stand up and clap. "War is going grrrrreat!" - Republicans stand and clap. "You killed my Social Security Reform" - Democrats cheer. There's always a few people who go against the grain and stand up and clap while the remainder of their party sits and scowls. I like these against-the-grain-goers. Just once I'd love to hear someone yell "FreeBird" or "Fuckin' A, Dubya!". Come on - live a little, you puppets.
* The designations within the parties- no one can just be a Republican or Democrat anymore. They're Right Wing, Conservative, Moderate Conservative, Compassionate Conservative, Fiscal Conservative, Left Wing, Far Left Wing, Moderate Democrat, Liberal Democrat... So forth and so on. I think I will adopt this line of thinking and label myself a Fiscally Prudent Compassionate Asshole.That will look great on a resume.
* The camera work was fantastic. Bush says the words "African American" - quick, find some black folks in the crowd and zoom in. Talk about the soldiers - pan over to the widow or the uniformed general. They make that stuff way to obvious. He says the words "Health Care" - show Hillary's disgruntled facial contortions. Mention vodka and Ted Kennedy darts to the open bar. Mention oil and you here a little thump under Chaneys table.
* The effort it must take to memorize a speech that long is admirable. Did you notice? Bush glanced down at his notes very rarely. That's a shit load of words to remember. There are songs I've sung along to for 15 years and I still can't get the lyrics right. If I were on the speech writing staff I'd have to work in a few surprise bullet points to see if he's paying attention. "This year over 5 million baby boomers will reach retirement age. Gimme a blow job.... oops"
* The commentators said some of the Congress folks get there hours early to claim a set by the runway where he walks down. Why? I didn't see any high fives, no butt pats, no spit flying, no horn shaped hand gestures with a tongue sticking out going "You Rock Dubya!". Seems kinda childish for these grown up politicians to line up like it's their life's dream to touch the Pres on the shoulder as he passes. I'd like to see someone slip a humorous note on his back.
* The commentating afterwards was fantastic too. Flip to Fox News Channel and hear all the pro-Republicans say he did a great job. Really silenced a lot of his critics with that strong speech. He really gained a lot of poll numbers with that one. Go to CNN and join the Left guys as they scoff at his meager attempt to make light the terrible plight of our country. See how he avoided any real agenda or offered any solutions to their problems. Everyone's got an opinion and it all depends on which channel you decide to watch to determine which one you will conform to. Here's a Bucky tip for you - watch them all, disregard 90% of what they say, question their 'statistics', and then flip over to ESPN to catch Sports Center.
* The Democratic Party Response. I like the idea of having the other party get 20 minutes of TV time to say "BULLSHIT". Doesn't matter which party (or which president for that matter), it's just fair play methinks. The problem with this year is the guy they picked - Kaine, our Virginia Governor. I don't know much about him but I do know this - That schmo has been our governor for 18 days. That's right - a little over two weeks. And yet he is suddenly qualified to be the 'voice' of the Democrat Party in our country. WHY? I guess the easy answer is that Dean, Kerry, DeLay, Clinton, Kennedy, and the rest of them have done so much to embarrass their party that putting them in front of the camera is to say "this is the best we have to offer".

I'm looking forward to the next big address or speech. We don't often get a chance to see so many assholes in one room.


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