Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Gearing up for a METAL SHOW

Metal bands, although mostly talented with musical instruments, tend to be just shy of creative when it comes to albums titles, song titles, themes, dress, and lyrics. My wife posed the question to me some time ago: "Why do they have to sing about that?" - referring to The Crown's Back From the Grave. My reply was something like "Well, that's the best they could come up with given their lack of education, meager social circles, and desire to emulate their idols - Mainly Slayer - because ALL metal bands wish they were Slayer." Because of Slayer, Venom, and Death metal took a turn to the uncreative - everyone wants to sing about the same crap - death, evil, killing ,blah blah blah. Most real metal heads know it's all a bunch of fluff. Like horror flicks - doesn't mean Stephen King thinks he's a Vampire. Not like Rap where those "musicians" are actually braggin about crimes and convincing our young'uns to follow their lead. Nevertheless, a vast majority of metal bands cling to the dark, evil, blah blah aspects of life to find material for albums. I've dug through one of my favorite metal sites, bnrmetal.com, to find some commonalities amongst metal throughout the years - mainly 1980-2005.

Album titles containing these words: 233
Worst title use: Tiny Deaths, by Rakoth
Band Names containing these words: 28

Album titles: 55
Worst title use : Flowers of Evil, by Black Obelisk
Band Names: 5 - hmmmm, there's room for growth here.

Album titles: 27, 25
Worst title use: Teach Children to Worship Satan, by Dark Funeral
Band Names: 2,4 - more room for growth

Album titles: 98
Worst use: Darker Than Black, by Cage
Band Names: 16

Album titles: 103
Worst use: Black Umbrella, by Thought Industry
Band Names: 15

all other colors
Album Titles: 61
Worst Use: Pink Bubbles Go Ape!, by Helloween * see below
Band Names: 20

Album titles: 47
Worst: Angel Juice, by Damien
Band Names: 12

Album titles: 73
Worst: You Will Find God In A Lonely Field, by Diabolus
Bands: 18

Albums: 87
Worst: King of the Kill, by Annihilator
Bands: 9

* Pink Bubbles Go Ape! This might be the most ridiculously titled album of all time for any genre. But I will give them credit - they did manage to have 3 first and onlys: album title containing the word 'pink', 'bubbles', or 'ape'. Perhaps they sat around someones apartment trying to come up with a good album title - all the darks, blacks, and deaths were used and abused. Perhaps something with pink. Yeah, that's it. How about bubbles. I like bubbles. Especially pink ones. I just go Ape for pink bubbles. Ohhhhh. Pink Bubbles Go Ape. Yeah. Guys, lets call our new album Pink Bubbles Go Ape! - isn't that crazy. Wow, we sure are metal.
Then again Helloween has always had a flair for the odd. Their album Keeper of the 7 keys was freakin rockin. There next offering saw them dip into the silly side with songs like Dr. Stein. It just went down hill from there. Perhaps too many bands have learned from Helloweens mistakes and are playing it safe and sticking to the old faithfull topics outlined above.


Blogger Dr. Metal said...

I was thinking about this just yesterday when I was listening to Deicide. Would it have the same allure, after all of these years, if they were singing about roses and perfume? Or is there a guilty pleasure that goes along with all of the evil?

12:12 PM  

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