Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Stinky People

I know a few people that stink all the time. One of them used to work with me and this guy fuckin' STANK. 7 am - stank. 3 pm - stank. How is it that people either don't know that they stink or don't mind that they stink? I hardly ever stink. Of course, I'll do some yard work or something before showering for the day and develop a little, tiny bit of body odor. But it's nothing like the monumental stench coming off some of these stinky people. Do you know someone like this. Perhaps you run into them at the grocery store or the library. You're walking along, minding your own business, when someone walks in front of you. That musty, skunk smell hits your nostrils and you immediately start looking around for the culprit. Why can't they spray a little Right Guard? This one particular guy I worked with was, by far, the worst of them all. You could smell him from 10 Ft. I asked him once about why he smelled like a whore's ass hole and he got really embarrassed. Good. He should be. If I walked around reeking up the place I'd be a little embarrassed too. And how can you not know that you stink? I check myself fairly regularly when I sweat or am hot. I don't want to be the stinky person. One time I actually had to run by a pharmacy to pick up a stick of Old Spice Sport because I thought at some point I might start to smell some. I've noticed that most people do the same 'smell your armpits while making it look like your really just scratching your nose on your shoulder' move. This is a good move to check your aroma without appearing to be inspecting your armpits.
The clinical term for body odor is Bromhidrosis. What we smell is mostly bacteria, toxins, and by-products in and on our skin. Sweat has no odor but it creates an environment ripe for the proliferation of the odor causing agents. A person's diet can have a lot of bearing on how they smell. Perhaps my old co-worker had a strange diet of monkey shit and vinegar. Here's what I don't understand: 1) Bath yourself with soap to remove bacteria, 2) Use a deodorant or anti=perspirant, 3) you will not stink - so why does anyone stink? I understand the occasional stink, but to be known as a stinky person....... To be remembered as a stinky person.... I'd like to be remembered for many things - my charm, wit, pleasant conversation, good looks, or sex for example - but I would never, under any circumstances, want to be remembered as... "Bucky?...... Oh yeah, wasn't he that guy that smelled like a deer carcass?" So if you're one of these stinky people do us all a favor and take a good long whiff, wash yourself, and have a little self respect.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Bucky Sabbatical

I have recently decided a few things about this blog.

1) I don't have time to post anything worth reading (except for this, which I apparently have time to do).

2) I am at a point in my life where I am trying to be a better person - in general. With young kids that repeat everything I say and do I am trying to be more loving, positive, and somewhat respectful at all times. This blog seems to perpetuate my sarcastic, spiteful nature by giving me a false anonymousness (if this is a word).

3) therefore I have decided to retire Bucky. Perhaps I will start another blog in the future to better serve my growing philanthropic endeavor.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Cell Phone Smarts


When I was a younger man - I'd say through my mid/late 20's - I was more creative, imaginative, free spirited, and extemporaneous. Of course much of this can be explained by the exuberance of youth and immaturity. For the last 6 years or so I have grown up - or so I thought. I have become smarter, wittier, more organized, and analytical. Not that I'm the smartest guy in the room wherever I go but I can tell how much I have changed. Most people would dismiss this change as growing up, maturing, becoming more socially responsible, etc.... But I believe I have found another answer.

In a study by some Italian brain people there has been shown a direct link between cell phone usage and increased brain activity. It works like this: Cell phone emit an electromagnetic field - as do all electrical devices - which can enhance brain activity (also an electrical process). Their research has concluded that holding a phone to one side of the brain will, in time, increase that particular sides activity (see http://www.webmd.com/content/article/124/115564?src=RSS_PUBLIC). Most neurologists agree about the Right Brain - Left Brain functions. The left brain is geared towards things like time/spatial relation, organization, and analysis. The right brain is more for creativity, emotions, holistics, and human interaction.

Now here's the thing.. I ALWAYS use my left ear on the phone. Always. This started when I had a telemarketing job when I was 26 or so. I had a really loud guy to my left so I held the phone to my left ear so I could hear better. Using it this way, all day, 7 days per week, for over a year got it ingrained in my brain. For a while I thought I may have hearing damage in my right ear (I don't... had it checked) because I was very uncomfortable using my right ear on the phone. I got my first cell phone in 1998 and have been using my left ear since.

So if this new study holds true I have enhanced my left brain daily, over a period of 7 years, thereby giving me a boost in left brain characteristics. Can it be so? Or have I just 'grown up'?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Animals

There's something about watching animals attack each other that many people find compelling. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I find myself watching the Discovery Channel where a cheetah is creeping up on an unsuspecting Kudu. The point when the cheetah begins its charge is very exciting. Watching it track down the weaker beast, sink it's teeth in, jump on its back, and go for the throat is awesome. But when I see to dogs go at it, live and in person, I feel very uncomfortable. There's something about the noises - the yelping, primal animal screams that really really bother me. Like Agent Starling in Silence of the Lambs - those noises can haunt me, for a while at least. Last summer an adult rabbit got run over in the street right in front of my house. I was sitting in the living room when I heard this god awful, childlike, scheming. I ran out side and saw the rabbit, draggin itself by the front paws, it's body nearly severed at the waist. It screamed loud - real loud. It freaked me out. Yet I have no trouble squashing a bug or plunging a knife into a live fish. It must be the sound of distressed animals that bothers me most. Then again I cannot bear to watch those animal rescue shows on Animal Planet. My wife loves that stuff - when she channel surfs and stops on that show I go nuts. I demand she turn it IMMEDIATELY - I've unplugged the TV before cause she didn't move fast enough. I cannot stand animal suffering. At least animals that make sounds, I guess. I'm often glad that fish do not scream. How many people would fish if they pulled one out of the water and heard death-throw screams of pain and fear. I certainly wouldn't. Poor fish. But since they make no sound I perceive no pain. No suffering. Same goes with lobsters - throw a live lobster into a pot of boiling water - no problem - no noise. If it let out a "aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggguuuuurrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg" people wouldn't be so eager to do it. Shame.

Yet with my profound fear of watching animals suffer I still do not mind the nature shows. Maybe because it is just that - Nature. Even though it's natural for a dog to chase down a cat I don't want to see it. Unless it's that nasty orange cat that lives down the street and always starts fights with my cats in my yard. He's a mean little thing. He'll even lunge at me when I go out to break it up. I've gotten in to the habit of piling up a few rocks near the front door so I can have something to hurl at him when I bust out the front door and chase him down the street. I swear I hit him right in the head one night, but I cannot verify that. Bad cat.

Our dog got out again this weekend. He's really bad about running away. It's the hunting dog in him. If he gets 6 inches through a door or gate he bolts like a greyhound. Usually we get a call 4-6 hours later from someone who has him. This weekend he was gone over night for the first time. Animal Control picked him up the next morning. I don't know what he did all night but he came home uninjured sans his collar. How he lost his collar I do not know. The pound used his microchip to track down the rescue organization we got him from and they contacted us. Unfortunately for Levi we're going to give him back to the rescue. I made that decision despite my wives unhappiness. He's gotten out 5 times since February and it's just n to worth the hassle of always looking over your shoulder when you open a door to make sure he doesn't get out. Or having to lock every door so the kids don't accidentally let him out. He may end up run over or lost forever. He needs a home with a very large fenced yard where there is little chance of him getting out. There's much tension around the house about my decision to give up the dog. But so be it.