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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Stinky People

I know a few people that stink all the time. One of them used to work with me and this guy fuckin' STANK. 7 am - stank. 3 pm - stank. How is it that people either don't know that they stink or don't mind that they stink? I hardly ever stink. Of course, I'll do some yard work or something before showering for the day and develop a little, tiny bit of body odor. But it's nothing like the monumental stench coming off some of these stinky people. Do you know someone like this. Perhaps you run into them at the grocery store or the library. You're walking along, minding your own business, when someone walks in front of you. That musty, skunk smell hits your nostrils and you immediately start looking around for the culprit. Why can't they spray a little Right Guard? This one particular guy I worked with was, by far, the worst of them all. You could smell him from 10 Ft. I asked him once about why he smelled like a whore's ass hole and he got really embarrassed. Good. He should be. If I walked around reeking up the place I'd be a little embarrassed too. And how can you not know that you stink? I check myself fairly regularly when I sweat or am hot. I don't want to be the stinky person. One time I actually had to run by a pharmacy to pick up a stick of Old Spice Sport because I thought at some point I might start to smell some. I've noticed that most people do the same 'smell your armpits while making it look like your really just scratching your nose on your shoulder' move. This is a good move to check your aroma without appearing to be inspecting your armpits.
The clinical term for body odor is Bromhidrosis. What we smell is mostly bacteria, toxins, and by-products in and on our skin. Sweat has no odor but it creates an environment ripe for the proliferation of the odor causing agents. A person's diet can have a lot of bearing on how they smell. Perhaps my old co-worker had a strange diet of monkey shit and vinegar. Here's what I don't understand: 1) Bath yourself with soap to remove bacteria, 2) Use a deodorant or anti=perspirant, 3) you will not stink - so why does anyone stink? I understand the occasional stink, but to be known as a stinky person....... To be remembered as a stinky person.... I'd like to be remembered for many things - my charm, wit, pleasant conversation, good looks, or sex for example - but I would never, under any circumstances, want to be remembered as... "Bucky?...... Oh yeah, wasn't he that guy that smelled like a deer carcass?" So if you're one of these stinky people do us all a favor and take a good long whiff, wash yourself, and have a little self respect.

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