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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Find the Point win Jell-O for Life

Billy Joel wrote a song called We didn't start the fire. It's a good song - about the events, political, social, artistic, etc.. - that happened in the world during his lifetime. There are over 120 references made to such events. It's quite impressive when you read the list and realize how much stuff actually took place. Then I start think about cave men. The lives of cave men must have been dull. I now believe that is how and why mankind invented religion - to give themselves something to talk about. Without religion and it's folklore tall tales and marvels what would be passed down from generation to generation? "Gog sat on a porcupine and got gangrene of the ass. One time we were trying to start a fire and Dod's beard caught on fire. A Tasmanian Devil ate your uncles balls off while we was taking a shit over there by that bush. The record for throwing a bullfrog is 87 ft, set by Hak of the Flug clan 77 moons ago. Don't try to cook moths, they dissipate, just eat them raw." So on. No, they had to have something that was worth talking about.... Invisible men, unearthly evil creatures, beautiful women goddesses, heroic strong men who saved people.. Etc. They start out as fascinating tales to wooo the kids and explain the nature around them. Then more advanced civilization, like the Sumerians and Greeks, get a hold of them and all of a sudden there's mass drunken orgies to "honor" the gods and goddesses. Who came up with that idea? Well, instead of sacrificing this little goat why don't we get drunk and fuck each other for a few hours. That will surely satisfy the gods. Everyone knows that gods are pleased by watching a bunch of sloppy humans wriggle around in a giant gang bang. I think some smart ass with an orgy fetish convinced 1 gullible king that this would work and it took off. Why wouldn't it. It combines 2 things humans like to do - have unadulterated, uninhibited sex and please there deity. Surely at some point the deity had to call out "hey... You there... The hairy guy with the 3rd nipple..... Could you please excuse yourself from the orgy. And pick up that cross eyed girl on your way out..... What?..... Well I thought that was a girl...... My apologies sir...... Wait a minute I'm the deity here.... (lightning bolt)..... Sorry for the interruption everyone... Please, back to the fuck fest. But guys please leave each others rods alone..... I'm not that kind of god..... Well then go and find yourself another god..... I don't know, try Buddha.. He's always showing off his nipples..... " There are Buddha statues all over the place. Chinese restaurants, knick knack stores, china town, etc.... A few things about those things seem strange to me. 1) Does my deity want me to worship him by directing my attention to a piece of plastic I paid $2.75 for from a street vendor? 2) You don't see many other religions with little statues of their gods to pray too - Christianity doesn't count, as we pray to a symbol, not a likeness (except for catholic crosses and their very white man, long haired Jesus depictions, which really don't count either), 3) Couldn't they pick a well built, muscular, physically fit deity to offer worship to? What's so divine about a 450 pound Chinamen? Well, come to think of it, a 450 pound Chinamen is quite rare, damn near nonexistent. Ok, I take it back. I firmly believe that every Chinese person learns the art of owning and operating an American Chinese food restaurant at some point - maybe a junior college or something. How is it that no matter where you go in this country - New York City or Alabaster, Alabama - you know exactly what to expect from a Chinese restaurant? EXACTLY! There's little difference in the vast majority of the food. The same goes with Mexican food joints. Why are there no American food places all over the world. They'd have the exact same hamburger, cube steak, chili, and club sandwich. Perhaps there is a need going unfulfilled. Perhaps my purpose in life is to start the American food sub culture around the world. A single supplier, a single menu, a single need fulfilled - If I'm not mistaken, that is how the AntiChrist gets his start. By uniting the world in peace and religion through the use of low cost, cookie cutter 'ethnic' restaurants. At least that's what the Gideon Bible in my last hotel room told me.. Although I'm a little leary of it's authenticity as it was published by someone by the name of Jangjoong and it started with "In Beginning, God made 15 different food dishes using same 5 ingredient."


Blogger mugwump said...

Your "Find the Point" series rivals Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" series. That's no small feat.

8:01 AM  

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