Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Monday, August 28, 2006

The Insipid Quipper

Everyone knows a guy like this. I have recently had the displeasure of having to be around an insipid quipper. The guy who always, alwayss has to say something that he finds amusing. Now don't get me wrong - I love good witicisms and appropriate quips - and if they are thought through and delivered well I'm happy to be on the receiving end. But this guy is the one who uses ALL the overused and abused one-liners you've ever heard: "See you later" - "Not if I see you first"; "Walk much?" (after tripping on something); "It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it". You know - that kind of unimaginative drivel. It's almost like he walks around just waiting to toss one out. Like they're all on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be used. Even worse, his version of sarcasm is juvenile. Good sarcasm is a beautiful thing. Good sarcasm requires intelligence to create and understand, proper delivery to avoid insult yet poignant enough to grab attention. His sarcasm is thoughtless minor insults. For example, the other day my wife and I were going to a really fancy, black tie dinner event. He and his wife came over to watch our kids. My wife answers the door in her evening gown and his wife immediately says "You look beautiful, I love your dress". He walks in behind her and just says "I don't" and walks on by. My wife, knowing this jerkoff fairly well, took zero offense at it and shrugged it off as his vain attempt at wit. Sad. I hate to see someone fail so miserably with sarcasm. It's like a professional baseball player watching a co-ed church softball team who really think they are the best players in the county. What drives people to be like this? I've been paying close attention to this for weeks now and I have yet to see anyone within earshot of him do so much as crack a smile at his remarks. He was trying his schtick on a waitress not to long ago. Not only did she not laugh but I think she probably put a loogie in his Diet Coke. And yet he struts around like he's the coolest cat in the room everywhere he goes. Why? Does he believe, truly believe, that everyone thinks highly of him? Does he not give a shit? That would at least be slightly honorable but I don't think it is the case.

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