Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Today's Bucky Theories

1) Illegal Immigrants from Mexico: Although the news has been hammering this issue for several months now they have not picked up on a key link between immigration and global warming. According to Buckinster Skeeter, amateur meteorologist and physiologist, there is a direct correlation between mass immigration and the rising global temperatures. Recent estimates show over 10,000 immigrants per day crossing the border - over 3,000,000 per year. As anyone who has ever stood in a room full of people know, human bodies give off heat. When you take the extra millions of bodies being added to a specific global region the effect is to slightly increase the environmental temperature. When a specific geographical region's temperature is changed is has a chain reaction effect of the global atmosphere. As the atmosphere above the United States is heated, due to increased body heat, it causes a vortex of atmospheric gases in the down-wind (Atlantic) regions. These vortices increase the likelihood and intensity of hurricanes - Hurricane Katrina was, therefore,directly related to, or caused by, illegal Mexican immigration.

2) Atrophy of Reason: Some people are genetically inclined, or socially enhanced, to become smart. These smart people have a higher capacity for reason, learning, and over-all intelligence compared to the average citizen. But just as nature has provided the mechanism of physiological adaptation to environmental stresses, so to can the human brain physiologically adapt to intellectual stimuli. When a person is in proximity to people of higher intelligence, for long periods, they will show signs of enhanced learning capacity and increased ability to reason. Conversely, when exposed to less intelligent people, the brain will adapt to it's intellectual environment and downgrade it's capacity for reason, comprehension, and intelligence. Since the vast majority of people are of below or average intelligence there exists a domino effect of 'dumbing down' the masses.

3) If a man sits around in boxers long enough he will eventually start fondling his balls.

4) Common language Derivative proven through body language- According to Genesis, chapter something, all people spoke the same language and it was not until God "confused" their speech at the tower of Babel that the varied languages of the Earth were produced. This is proven true by the fact that we share common body language. Every culture does a hands out, arms bent, shoulder shrug to say "What" or "I don't know". Every culture nods and shakes their heads to mean yes and no. Every culture does the same jerk off motion to denote "bullshit" or "getting stroked". Since we share this common root of body language it is not doubt we share a common spoken language.

5) Elevator music (or Muzak) was designed to inebriate the masses. In the early 50's a Psychologist, probably of French origin, figured out that certain tones, pace, and rhythm of music generates a buying impulse and complacency in human beings. This has been incorporated in retail stores and government buildings, proven effective, and used for the last 60 years. You are being played!


Blogger Dr. Metal said...

Ingenious. It's a good thing that you started electronically hanging out with your smarter humans. You were headed down the path of dumbness, brother.

6:56 AM  

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