Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Football Moves and Golf Shots

Today I have issue with some sports terminology. Whilst watching Bama make a charitable contribution by handing the game to Arkansas last weekend one play stuck in my mind. It was when a receiver (could have been a back) ran 10 yards downfield, turned around, caught the ball with two feet down, and fell on his back at which time the ball came loose. Ever since I was a young'en the rule was always having 1 foot down while in possession of the football constitutes a catch. Period. Last year they threw in this little extra tid bit - the player must have possession AND demonstrate a "football move". Why? What was wrong with the 1 foot deal? And what exactly is a football move? I recall Troy Palamalu (Steelers) last year during the Colts playoff game dive for an interception: he dove, caught the ball clean, tucked it in his gut, rolled on his back, put one foot down solidly on the grass, started to stand, and when he planted his left foot to fully rise his knee knocked the ball out of his hand and he fumbled it - recovered b y another Steeler. Yet the officials claim it was an incomplete pass because there was no "Football Move". What the FUCK? In my Bama game example the guy clearly caught the ball and only lost it when he made contact with the ground. What kind of football move do they need to see when your falling full speed onto your back? And what if he caught the ball clean then did a river dance, or 5 jumping jacks? Is that possession or not because it wasn't officially a "football move"? And to make matters worse If the play happens at the sideline then only 1 foot will do, but if it's in "the middle of the field" then they must make a "football move".

This next one makes me cringe every time I hear it - "golf shot". I rarely watch golf on television but every now and then I'll catch a little bit of a hyped up tournament or the Masters or something. Then the inevitable happens...... Tiger woods takes a 5 iron from his bag, gauges his distance, takes a practice swing, then strikes the ball beautifully towards the flag. The announcer says "That's a great golf shot". Well, what other kind of shot could it be? Was it a basketball shot? Perhaps a 9 ball in the corner pocket shot? Why must we add words to an already self explanatory phrase? "That's a great shot" would suffice. But watch on television and you'll hear this after just about every golf shot. This is crossing over to most sports nowadays - you'll hear "that was a good football play" and "basketball shot" too. Absurdity!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Find the Point - Point the Find

What is the big deal about pointing at people? Why is it rude? If I need to identify a person to make a point during a conversation it seems perfectly reasonable to point at them. That's the most direct, efficient way to pick someone out of a crowd. Have you ever been insulted because someone had the audacity to point at you in public. I've never had someone sprint across a room to hit me like a line backer merely because I expanded a digit in their direction. Phalanges is a great word for the fingers. It's a pity we don't use it more often in our common speech. "Give them the phalange", "Got my phalange on the trigger", " How many phalanges am I holding up?". Another form of the word is phalanx which is a group of heavily armed infantry formed in ranks and files close and deep, with shields joined and long spears overlapping (According to Dictionary.com). I see the similarity, do you? Oftentimes I wonder if people see things the same way I do. I mean actually see. If I see an apple, not a pear apple, on a table does it look exactly the same to you? Surely you recognize it as an apple but maybe an apple looks to you what a pear looks like to me. I know, I know.... The visual spectrum of light that my eye receives from an object is the same as that which you receive - but my brain my process the information differently. Then again maybe yours does. Blue to me may be red to you although you'll say it's blue because in your mind red is blue even though it's only red to me - if I were to observe it with your brain using my brains definitions of colors. If you were in my brain you would see that country music does actually all sound the same and the heavy metal is today's most advanced form of music - technically speaking. How often does someone "technically speak"? I hear it all the time....... "Technically speaking it's fruit, not a vegetable." I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were fully accredited to speak on behalf of technology. You must have some sort of advanced degree or something. Or maybe you just saw a special on Discovery channel about tomato farming and know you'll walk around all day relaying those little tidbits of knowledge like you've always known them. Tell me all about how Atlantis possibly existed on the continent of Antarctica - even go so far as to describe the Reis map and how it correctly identified the coastline of Antarctica - which is currently under miles of ice. Wow, you must be a foremost expert on all things Atlantian... Or did you just read that article in Time magazine the other day. I'm a big fan of the 'exploding planet' theory nowadays. It basically says that there was a planet - very close to us, how close I am not sure - which contained a very advanced race of beings. These beings visited us as the various gods we have in our human folklore. Their planet is the most likely prospect for being Atlantis - even though it exploded instead of sank. Alan Alford has written profusely on the subject. I like it. Problem is there is ZERO astronomical evidence of such an exploded planet and the similarities of the gods throughout human civilization are not strong enough to denote a similar origin. Methinks, anyway. That leads us to the next logical conclusion - that the egg did indeed come before the chicken. Why you ask? Can you prove otherwise? I thought not, so let's move on. I find it hilarious that our world economy, military conflicts, political power, and religious strife is all centered on oil. It OIL for god's sake. It black gold.... Texas tea........ It's liquefied dead stuff.......... It smells, stains, ignites, and is an extreme health hazard. Let's get over this deification of oil and try something like moss. Moss is cool! Let's start a world wide dependency on moss..... "No Blood For Moss!"............ I can trade moss futures instead of oil futures on Wall Street... Moss...... Yeah!

Monday, September 18, 2006

To Do List

It has been a while since I last hazarded a guess. Today I shall attempt to do so.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I still can't hear you!

I've never been one to put much stock in fate. It seems unlikely to me that there is some prevailing grid of circumstances, events, and goings-on that each of us navigate throughout our lives. But, oh how we love to believe things are "meant to be". Things just are. Even if you want to credit God or any other deity with pre-ordaining all aspects of existence you'd have to admit that most things are explainable and can be systematically accounted for happening. But even with all my doubts about fate I have come to a situation I feel is so unique that it's a little spooky.

Several weeks ago I was surfing the web (I do not remember what I was specifically searching for) when I ran across the 'longest ear hair' tidbit. I found it amusing and decided to blog about it (August post). Before I stumbled upon this information I had never, to the best of my knowledge, contemplated the worlds longest ear hair and definitely did not seek out any information pertaining to it. At no time had I ever, knowingly, been exposed to pictures, commentary, or descriptions of such a record. So accidentally finding the information on the web and randomly blogging about it should be the farthest limit to the chances of my being exposed to it.

Then fate intercedes..................................

2 days ago I bought my son a kids meal at Wendys - chicken nuggets, for the record. As everyone knows, kids meals always include a prize or toy. His prize was a deck of cards, like trading cards or baseball cards, made by the Guinness Book of World Records. Each card has a picture, description, and fun facts about a Guinness World Record.

Since his little fingers have trouble getting the plastic off the package I opened it for him. I removed the plastic, flipped back the top flap, and thumbed up the first card to find the current Longest Ear Hair record holder, Radhakant Bajpai, starring back at me. I felt a little faint. I quickly sat down and gasped for breath. How is this possible. Out of the ten's of thousands of records logged in the Guinness World Records corporate system how is it that Radhakant happens to be the firstt card, in a pack my son randomly received at one of 1,000's of Wendys locations, that stares me in the eyes. Surely, the divine has interceded in my life. There is something about long ear hair which must play an important role in my life. Perhaps this man, Mr. Bajpai, will personally influence me in some way for the greater good. Perhaps I will someday find a way to trump his amazing 5.2 inches of ear hair and claim the record for myself.

NOTE: For the record - my blog on 8/16, What? I can't hear you through my ear hair, was apparently based on incorrect information as Radhakant Bajpai is the current record holder.

Friday, September 01, 2006

An in depth review of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang; Starring Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr; 2005

I enjoyed it.